Life’s Journey 131

Day 2516: So day 6 of going full vegan. I feel a lot better right now. I don’t feel as sluggish, and as much as people make fun of me for deciding to do this, but I don’t care because I’m doing this for me. I’m really excited about it because last time that I did this, there was either not many options, or the options tasted like cardboard. Breakfast is my favorite meal again. I hated eating breakfast because if I eat too early, it makes me feel sick. Having to make things from scratch gives be some time to adjust to being awake and I found that I don’t feel nauseous when I eat. Yesterday I had this yummy breakfast. Tofu, mushrooms, and green onion sauteed with sesame oil over some toasted everything bread.

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This morning I was in the mood for some scrambled eggs but I wasn’t about to give in. I got this. I’m motivated! Alternative:

 

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Eggs: Extra firm tofu, turmeric, onions, onion powder, garlic powder, basil, salt, and black pepper.

Meat: Italian seasoned tofurky sausage

Bread: Rosemary and herb foccacia bread with a garlic and herb jam.

Found the recipe on Pintrest and I have to give it a 9/10. Pretty close to tasting like the real thing. The texture was spot on which was good since some people are turned off by textures.

Tofu eggs recipe

If you’re interested in joining me in my new food journey, read this:

Eating vegan and staying healthy

I need some cheerleaders to keep me going and keep me motivated!

Until next time friends…

 

Life’s Journey 130

Day 2504:

Anxiety: I’ll see if I can find a good way to describe it. It almost feels like misplaced adrenaline? Like constant flight in a non fight or flight situation.

I worry about things that other people would think is silly. I don’t just worry, I obsess. I make lists, I replay conversations over and over again in my head, I re-read text messages until I feel beyond broken. I compare myself to other people, but I am not a narcissist. I am not doing it to feel better or worse about myself, I do it to try to understand.

I feel empathy. When someone near me is sad, I feel sad. When someone near me is happy, I feel happy. When someone near me feels hopeless, I understand.

I want to feel normal. I want to go a whole day without feeling like something was wrong somewhere in my life. I feel like an emotional wreck most of my day. On the flip side, I feel monumentally accomplished when I do something that I think that I could not do or when I think I’m not going to finish something on time and I get it done, better than I thought, and early!

I stay awake at night wondering what is going to happen to me in the future, what will happen to my kids if something happens to me, what will happen to my husband? Geez. I wake up exhausted.

This is the shit that goes through my mind. It’s awful not being able to let go of things. I wish I could be one of those people but it just doesn’t happen. I laugh at people when they tell me, “you need to let it go”. Sure thing buddy, tell me how.

I’ve tried breathing exercises, counting things, doing the “sight, smell, touch, sound” exercises, and countless others. Walking, driving, humming… Temp fixes for a permanent thing. I feel defective.

I JUST WANT TO SCREAM!

The other thing that pisses me off… “I know how you feel…” Nope. Thanks well adjusted friend. Comparing how I feel all the time to how you feel before a first date, not the same. That is nervous, there is a difference. I hate when people try to make you feel like they get it when they don’t. They try to convince you that this one time, when something happened to them… Still not getting it. I don’t need you to tell me you know how I feel, I need you to just be there. Sometimes human contact goes a long way. A hug makes a difference, not always, but sometimes. I know it’s sad, but sometimes I keep people around that I don’t like so that I know who not to turn into. I’ll probably never tell them that but there is my secret, lol.

Until next time friends….

Life’s Journey 129

Day 2501-

So 4 days, down 2 lbs. I told you that I just needed a good kick in the ass! I know how to eat right, I know what to eat, I know what not to eat… I just have to do it. I decided to start a food journal the day that I wrote my last post. There is this website that I found that helps with calories. Check it out:

https://authoritynutrition.com/how-many-calories-per-day/

Just enter your gender, height, weight, age, and your activity level and it will tell you what you need as far as calories to: Maintain your weight, loose weight, or to loose weight fast.

I was DRINKING most of my calories during the day. Coffee (like large iced coffees) and energy drinks. I know that they are terrible for me but just wanted them soooo bad. So, if I calculated all that stuff, wrote down what I ate or drank… After my coffees and energy drinks, I had about 10 calories left for food for the day.

So, more fruits and veggies, less sugars and salts, that is a definite. Everyone screams protein… still a no. EVOO? Still bad for you. Coconut oil? There ya go! Can’t read the ingredients? Yeah….. no. Does it have a shelf life longer than you? Come on, that’s a no brainer!

So, down 2 pounds. Rawr! I got this! I haven’t been hungry either. Snacking, definitely! Fresh… so good. I got too used to quick and easy and convenient. I would like to blame stress or holidays but honestly, feeling good on the inside helps to make your stress levels more manageable, and I know this because I’ve done it before. Time to do it again!

Meanwhile, I’m gonna do the gallon water challenge again.

What does your dinner plate look like? How many calories are you taking in a day? Do you know? Are you drinking enough water? Are you treating yourself with the no-nos once in a while? Let us know!

 

 

Life’s Journey 128

Day 2497: 1 year… I can’t believe that I haven’t posted anything in that long. Today should be nice and relaxing, ya know, day off and all. My brain won’t let me relax. I’ve been feeling pretty awful lately. I stopped pumping about 2 months ago, and I miss it, but I also feel like I have that little extra time every day. Other side effect, not burning as many calories. I know that I have been stress eating a lot lately too. I need to get my butt re-motivated. Time to once again stop eating crap just because it tastes good and eat things that are better for me that I can make taste good. I have gotten lazy with it all tbh. I just don’t like the way that I feel. Tired, depressed, just flat out blah. I get cravings for stuff that is good for me… but then I go with something cheaper or more convenient.  I NEED TO STOP DOING THAT. This is me yelling at myself and kicking myself in the ass.

So, know better, do better. Time to hold myself accountable again. Let’s do this! Let’s get back on track. I CAN DO THIS! RAWR!

 

 

Life’s Journey 127

Day 2136:

Bubbers had his mouth surgery last week on Friday. Everything seems to be healing just fine. I tried to get him to breastfeed but he doesn’t even seem interested now at all. It makes me sad but at least I know he is getting breast milk anyway through bottles. Those he seems to be handling better than he did before. His lip is still a  little puffy on top but not as bad as it was. He ended up getting 4 stitches on the lip and 1 under the tongue. Good stuff. Glad we did it. It will be better for when his teeth start coming in and for just in general. The lip tie was pretty tight so I’m sure it was uncomfortable for him to eat.

So much going on right now. I remember a few years back, how nervous and terrified I would be of a big change. I think I am taking it rather well. I decided to change jobs. A position opened up at a company that is more my style, since all I do is play video games. I wasn’t looking but it found me. I applied, got interviewed…. waited… then bam, new job. It is an awesome company to work for and they really appreciate their employees a lot more than most places to work. I think that it will be a good fit for me. As with anything, I just have to get used to the change over all. It’s retail, so most things that I am already used to. Upselling things is an easier task when you are excited about the things you are selling.

In other news….

I finally ordered my Scentsy diffuser. I am so excited and I can’t wait to use it. I got an essential oil that has peppermint and eucalyptus in it and another one that is lemon cucumber lime. I know Brandon likes the fruity, citrus smells so that one should be good. I can’t wait to try it out. Morgan and I didn’t finish coloring our other warmer but we couldn’t wait to use it either, so we plugged that bad boy in!

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So, baby is doing well, Scentsy diffuser is ordered, and I love my new job. Keep you posted!

Life’s Journey 126

Day 2129:

I had a little rough patch with my pumping journey. My milk supply randomly started dropping again… turns out that it was actually my pump not working as well as it used to because using a pump 5-7 times a day for 6 months really does a number on the pump motor. I was in a panic because pumps really aren’t cheap, like $299-$350 not cheap and we don’t randomly have that kind of money laying around.

When they say  that it takes a village to raise a child, it means more than actually raising the child. I am lucky to have such awesome friends and one of them was kind enough to give me her breast pump that she had no use for. I am beyond thankful and so is Patrick! We have been going 6 months strong with our exclusively pumping relationship. I guess we will see where this goes after this weekend. Friday, Patrick is scheduled to go in to get his lip and tongue ties clipped and tied.

So, the pic above on the left is the awesome replacement pump that saved my milk supply and the pic on the right is from tonight! My very first time pumping out in the open in public. Yes, I was covered with a blanket but no one even cared. Good feeling to be visibly invisible! #normalizebreastfeeding

I am glad that my children make me a better person. Some days they drive me crazy to a point where I want to jump off a bridge but some days they are my escape from everything else.

Right now I am in the process of making a big change in my life. I am switching jobs at the moment and it is a big scary move but one that will  be good for me. Positive or negative, I am always nervous of a change. It is just in my nature. I got this. I am just happy that I have a super awesome and supportive husband by my side. He is pretty epic imo.

Life’s Journey 125

Day 2115:

BAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH IPSY DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now, I stopped taking care of myself when I started putting on weight because who cares at that point right? Well, that’s how I saw it anyway. I am currently at 175lbs from 210lbs. I work out as much as I can and I definitely have been eating like 1,000,000 times better than I was. Either way, I am happy with myself again and that means that I feel pretty and want to do nice things for myself. Ipsy makes me happy! It’s like Christmas once a month. Check out my Ipsy bag this month!

So far I have tried the lip creme and it feels amazing! The bag is nice and summer bright. I am not good at highlighting and bronzing so that is something I will have to practice but I cannot wait to try out the new brush. What I really could use is a really, really huge makeup box so I can organize all of my stuff. My nail polish is the worst and I barely ever use it because I just don’t have the time ever!

You should really give Ipsy a go if you like makeup but are on a budget.

 

This is what my friend got in her glam bag, I should say, what she got that was different than my bag. The more you review what you get, the more they tweek your bag to fit your style and needs. When you get your bag every month, take a minute or two out of your day to review what you got that month so they can make it more “you” for next month!

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