Life has its ups and downs. Things have been going okay. Depression comes and goes, anxiety looms over me every day. I need a change. I feel healthier since I changed to a vegan diet. I’ve been more conscious about the things I use and do as far as animals go. I didn’t even think about that when I changed my diet, I just wanted to be healthier.
Another thing that I have recently changed is the fact that things don’t make me happy. I have been getting rid of more and more stuff lately. Have I used this recently? Will I use this in the near future or am I holding onto it… just in case? Does this cause me long term happiness? Does this contribute to my health? Those are the things that I ask myself when I am either buying something or thinking about throwing stuff out/donating/selling. Letting go of things is really starting to feel good. It feels freeing! I am enjoying the fact that I can appreciate the things that I do keep even more. This also gives me more time with my family and less things that I have to clean up. I recently threw out about 60% of my clothes and a bunch of books that I wasn’t using, I gave to the church across the street. I still have a long way to go, but I think that I am off to a good start. I’ve been doing the same thing with my thoughts. If it’s not that important, let it go. If it is important, say something after you actually thought out the situation. This has been making life so much easier.
I have also been re-evaluating my relationships lately as well. Who is helping me and who is holding me back? I just celebrated 8 years being married to my husband. I can say that, right now, we have a better relationship than we ever had. Communication is the best thing that I can say has changed everything that we look at. We talk about everything now, we make time for each other, we go out of our way for each other. It is so nice. I know that when he comes home from work, I get a good morning kiss and when I wake up, I make him breakfast. It’s the little things that we do for each other that count and really make a difference. i can tell that he is going out of his way to make me happy every day and I do the same for him. It feels so good all around. Something as simple as a nice hot cup of coffee and video games together before I have to go to work or our family dinner and game night on Wednesdays. I make sure that I have off on Wednesday every week because I know he does too and that gives us at least 1 day to spend together from wake up to sleep. He really is my everything and I am so lucky to have a guy as great as he is.
Then… there are the terrible relationships…
I had someone that I was friends with for 7 years. We were military wives together. She found herself homeless with her 16 year old son. We took them in for Christmas so that they didn’t have to spend Christmas and New Years in a shelter. She ended up being a nightmare. So condescending and awful. When no one else was around, she would just talk down to me and psychoanalyze everything that I did. When I told her something that she was doing in my home bothered me, instead of saying “oh, I’m sorry” she would say, “why does that bother you? What are you insecure about?” What a scumbag way to talk to someone who is trying to help you. She pretty much told me that my house was messy… I have 2 kids and my husband and I both have full time jobs… with more hours during the holidays. She was just being an asshole pretty much. I didn’t trust her very much from the first day that she was there because she waited until we pulled up in front of my house to tell me that she had a boyfriend in prison here… after I drove for almost 6 hours both ways to go and pick them up and bring them here. Right after that, all she did was talk shit on the lady that took them in before us. Ungrateful. When my husband asked her to leave, she tried to guilt him and I into letting them stay. She took my work sneakers with her that I let her use since she had to walk to a lot of places and didn’t have sneakers. $65 work sneakers gone. Then she had the nerve to say that she didn’t take them, but she is a liar and doesn’t lie well, so I already know that wasn’t true. I also found my stamp holder, which holds 100 stamps, empty and in my door organizer… I used about 10 stamps out of the whole thing. I gave her $75 out of my paycheck to use for things that they needed that they couldn’t get with food stamps (socks, gloves, hats, sneakers) but instead she put $25 of it on her boyfriend’s phone account and the other $50 on his commissary. Way to take care of your child first… that’s a shitty person. She had the nerve to tell me that she was going to call Social Services on my husband and I because we neglect our children and don’t take care of them. Riiiiigggghhhtttt. We both have full-time jobs, the kids are fed (and healthy food with barely any processed crap), they have more than what they need and never want for anything, and they are happy. My kids are taken care of. I don’t know where someone that tells their 16 year old son that he should “drop out of school and get a job because 2 incomes are better than one” gets off on saying anything bad about the people that took them in since she can’t take care of her own obviously. People like her make me loose faith in humanity. She is teaching her son that living as a mediocre person is okay to do in life and she is giving him a shitty start to his adult life. It really is sad because it is a cycle that she is starting, not ending. Truly sad.
All-in-all, things have been really good lately. Even the bad stuff doesn’t seem as bad because I have been changing the way that I have been thinking about things. I feel like I am more at peace with a lot of things and hopefully, as I continue to work on myself more, it will only keep getting better. Today, whether I am happy or depressed, I am still good with myself, and that is what is important.